Product Review: the Luxe Bidet Neo 120

Not actually Erin.

Picture by KJ Photography

& is used with permission.

Just hang on a moment, Erin! I hear you saying. Why is a prepping site talking about a bidet?

Do you remember the Great Toilet Paper Shortage of Spring 2020? That's why. I don't know how well the rest of you fared, but even though we didn't ever run out of TP, we did get down to the single-ply emergency stocks and that was unpleasant. So when I heard that there was another run on TP due to an expected surge of COVID-19 this flu season, I decided to go ahead and get a bidet, the Luxe Neo 120, to help make our supplies of TP last longer. 

Disclaimer: In order to write a useful post about this subject, I need to talk about things which a lot of people find distasteful and/or embarrassing. Everybody poops and everybody needs to wipe, so let's just be adults about this. 

https://amzn.to/3mMPjQC

I admit that I wasn't sure how I would feel about a stream of cold water right on my anus, but my friends who own bidets (and it turns out I have a surprisingly large number of them) told me that it wasn't a big deal and that I'd get used to that pretty quickly. I'm going to jump ahead in this review and say a few things about this now:

1. It really isn't a big deal. I can feel that it isn't warm water, but it isn't the shock to my system that I feared it would be. 
2. If you have anal irritation, such as from hemorrhoids, cold water can be a relief and help reduce swelling. 
3. If it's still important to you, it's possible to get warm water bidets. 

Price and Features

I paid $35 for mine, which I felt was entirely reasonable. The Neo 120 is one step up from the bare bones model; it features a self-cleaning nozzle feature which the Neo 110 ($28) lacks. Models 180 ($40) and up feature dual nozzles for feminine cleansing; I skipped that because neither my mother or I need that particular function. The Model 320 is the only one which is heated, but costs $50 and requires a hose which runs from the toilet to the under-sink hot water taps. Given that our toilet is several feet away from the sink and the taps are behind cabinets, I decided this was more trouble than it would be worth. 

Installation

I can only speak for the Luxe Bidet which I bought, although I figure other Luxe models install in more or less the same way. Installation took me about an hour, and some of that was due to the fact that my toilet seat isn't exactly standard and didn't want to cooperate with the mounting hardware, but I got it work nonetheless. I consider myself to be competent with tools but not especially skilled, yet I had no problems with the installation (other than the toilet seat); someone who is more proficient would install it sooner and have the same amount of trouble I experienced, which is none. 

The only tools I needed were those to remove my toilet seat, which in my case was a socket wrench. All other tools were included, and the instructions were clear. 

Pro Tip: Make sure that the hose from the cold water feed to the bidet is fastened tightly, and slowly turn the tap back on. If it's not tight enough you'll have a leak, and it's better to have a dribble than a spray. 

Performance

First of all, this doesn't eliminate the need for toilet paper; you still have to wipe yourself dry. That said, I have found my TP use greatly reduced to somewhere between 1/2 and 1/4 of my normal use. For preppers, that ought to be enough to convince you to buy it. 

It also makes me feel cleaner. We've all had bowel movements where it seemed like we'd never get clean, and this solves that problem every time. 

Finally, if you ever have a really bad case of intestinal upset, this will pay for itself in no time. The cold water is soothing on an inflamed anus, and if you're having to use the toilet again and again (such as if you are preparing for a colonoscopy and you need to take a laxative before the procedure), this will prevent that feeling of rawness and chafing that you get after continual wiping. 

Also

Be sure to get the package of Toilet Seat Bumpers. Trust me, the bidet raises your toilet seat up enough that it won't sit flush (hah!) on the commode bowl, and you really don't want to break the seat by bending it where it doesn't want to bend. I bought these and I'm happy I did. 

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Two warnings, though:

1. The plastic over the adhesive is a massive pain to peel of. Be prepared for that; I had to use a knife to get it started and then tweezers to grab it. 
2. Don't drop the adhesive. Especially not into the toilet water. They stick great if you apply them to the seat straight off the plastic, but if there's other stuff on the adhesive then it may not stick and you might end up having to order a second set. 

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Finally, some of you may be asking I have a Squatty Potty. Does the Luxe Bidet work well with it?

The answer is Yes, very much so. In fact, if you position yourself just right with the Squatty Potty, you can basically give yourself an enema with the bidet. 

That may sound gross, but let me tell you this: if you've ever been constipated, that can really help soften and loosen your stool and just might speed up the process. I know that it helped me a great deal. 

My Recommendation: A+
If you're a human being who poops, buy this. It's more comfortable than dry wiping, it's probably better for the long-term function of your septic system to flush less toilet paper, and the paper you do use will last longer. It's easy to install, it's great if you have health problems (including reduced flexibility that makes wiping difficult), and if you register it comes with a 2 year warranty. 

If it ever breaks, I'll be sure to let you know.